this scene being REALLY GORGEOUS ON EVERY LEVEL ASIDE can we talk about
michiru takes hold of haruka’s hand. haruka is still, for a moment, before slowly and gently (reluctantly? or trying not to upset michiru?) trying to pull her hand free, but michiru doesn’t allow it, finally grasping it in her own as haruka relents. haruka is clearly uncomfortable, with her awkward laugh and ‘h-hey, what’s wrong?’ line. and it just kills me on the heart on so many levels, but there are two main factors that i think lead up to her reaction:
one, it is a clearly very emotionally involved gesture. haruka and michiru don’t do that. they joke about it all the time, sure, they tease and they flirt, but at the end of the day, they’re not lovers. if someone asks, they say they’re not, and they themselves don’t see themselves as such. it’s not that they’re not in love with each other. i think it’s plain to see for anyone who looks at them, really. but as it’s michiru said — ‘we can’t afford the luxury of falling in love’. michiru’s feelings for haruka have been out in the open from day one, but i like to think that they each shoved them to the backs of their respective minds and instead joke around the possibility. because they have a duty to fulfill, and they need to focus on it and it alone. so they might as well pretend those feelings don’t exist.
i also like to read haruka as being aware of michiru’s feelings, but making a semi-conscious effort to forget about them and laugh them off, because as much of a flirt as she is, anything involving feelings and relationships and attachment just leaves her at a total loss. so on the rare occasion where michiru’s feelings rise to the surface, she doesn’t know how to handle them, at all.
two, building off of that: michiru locks her feelings deep inside of her, and does not let them out unless there’s a reason for it. her confession to haruka was made when she was lying in her arms, bleeding half to death. the fact she’s acting like this now means she knows something is very, very wrong. like she has to do it now, or she’ll never get the chance to again. they’re going to die. michiru knows.
haruka is scared.